Risng With The Sun
by sapofbks2008
Summary: Kagome couldn't bring herself to tell her friends in the fuedal era that she was sick. Now she's got her wish. Will they ever find out the truth? Before it's to late.
1. Default Chapter

My normal life consisted of constantly fighting against demons and other things that give you nightmares. On a normal day I was exhausted and bruised, so I didn't realize right away that there might be something wrong. Stress was high in my life because I was constantly working with Inuyasha and the others to save other people's lives. It never occurred to me that my own life might be in danger and I might not even know it. My life was always in danger. I had to worry about demons every day and then there was Naraku to think about, who was in a category all on his own. I kept telling myself that I had every reason to feel like shit every day.

The problem with this was that after awhile I realized that it might not be so normal to feel like I was coming down with the flu. It was easy to say that I was tired and bruised because we were fighting demons all day, but then there were the weeks were we wouldn't fight anything because we were taking a much needed rest. Then there were the times when I was home and studying. I shouldn't have felt like I was up all night after a good night's rest. When I did realize that something might be wrong I really didn't do anything about it. I figured that it would pass and then it would actually look like I had been sick when I went back to school.

It never occurred to me that I might actually be really sick, because I figured if anything was going to kill me it would be something that would eat me first. When you worked with demons as much as I did after awhile you figured that was the only thing that was going to get you. Then I passed out on my way to class and I was rushed to the emergency room and they figured out that I had chronic myelogenous leukemia. I just called it cancer and something that would kill me. I didn't understand how this could happen to me. I made my whole life about saving others and all the while something was killing me.

Doctors talked about chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants, but I tuned them all out. I had been sick for a long time and never noticed. I knew what my chanced were and I was not going to waste what time I had left in a hospital, losing my hair, being sicker then I had ever been. I wanted to live my life to the fullest. While that might mean actually trying to save myself by doing something about my sickness, why bother? I had a life to live and I was going to live it to the fullest. I knew that I wasn't going to live through treatments. I didn't know how I knew, but it was a feeling that I had come to trust over the last couple of years. I had waited too long and now it was too late for me.

Mom didn't like it and fought it and so was grandpa and Souta, but they couldn't do anything because I was 18 and it was my choice. I was glad that I had that choice because it made my life easier. For awhile I acted like nothing was wrong. I stopped going to school and I stayed in the feudal area. I wanted my life to be lived to the fullest and I felt most at home in the past. I made a difference and I had friends that I could really talk to and confide in. I found that amusing when I thought about it because I didn't tell any of them I was sick. I worked very hard to hide the fact that there was something wrong and it worked for awhile.

There were changes that couldn't be missed though. I was more distant. I held back. I worked harder in battle, because now that mattered more than ever. I was colder and I knew that, but it was the only way to survive. I shut myself off from everyone else and gave myself time to accept what was happening. I thought about what I should do, and eventually I figured it out. One day I woke up and I felt like I had been hit with a semi. I was running a fever and I had bruises that I couldn't explain to anyone. The day I wore long sleeves and told everyone that I wasn't feeling well and I needed to go home for some rest. I could tell just from looking at Inuyasha that he could sense something was really wrong, but like everything else I shut him out and got to my family as fast as I could.

I had been shielding myself from Inuyasha from weeks now. It was something I had learned a long time ago, but had never really used. He could sense me but that was about it. I was a presence but he couldn't tell if I was sick. In the beginning I had used it so Inuyasha couldn't tell when I was going into heat, or in my terms, couldn't tell that it was "my time of the month". I could always tell when he sensed it and it had always bothered me. When I was getting a cold he had gotten over protective so I had made it so he couldn't smell the sickness surrounding me. Everyone could tell that I was sick, but never really could tell how much.

The only problem with this now was that I didn't have the energy to make it seem like it was fine. I couldn't stay awake long enough to make it seem like I was fine either. I knew that the time for me to tell the others had come and I didn't want to do it, because when I really thought about it I realized that they wouldn't understand. I couldn't explain leukemia to them because I could barley explain it to myself. I also didn't want them to see me dying like this. It wasn't going to be pretty. It was going to be slow and I was going to have my good days and my really bad days. There would be hope on my good days and defeat on my bad days.

Everyone needed to focus on getting the jewel shards and killing Naraku. I didn't know what I would do if Miroku ended up dying because of me. How would anyone be able to focus if I was as sick as I was? Who would want to leave my side? I knew how loyal they were and I knew that they didn't need to be burdened with me. I had to tell them.

And yet I found myself questioning why I should? Why couldn't I just leave?


	2. Defeat

I would have loved to let it go on forever, but I couldn't stand any longer. I was so sick that I was sweating when I it was too cold. I was sleeping when I shouldn't need it. I wasn't eating when I needed too. I didn't want my friends to see my suffer and die but if I didn't get out soon I was going to get killed, because I was too weak, too tired, to sick. Kilala knew that I was sick. I could see it in her eyes and I could see her pain. I wondered if Sango knew and had a feeling that she did because she was quieter then she should have been.

I wanted to say something. I really did, but what did I say? Some days were okay for me, I just felt a little sick and that was about it. I didn't have a fever, I ate okay, and I wasn't hurting so much. But the bad days were getting worse. I wanted to go to sleep all of the time; I had a hard time with everything. I had to get home before anyone realized anything. I don't know why I wanted to do this so badly when would just end up hurting the people I love anyway, but I guess love was like that. It didn't always make sense.

I walked into Keade's hut and everything was as it usually was. Inuyasha was sitting against the wall with his sword. Keade was working with her herbs. Shippo was drawing pictures. Miroku seemed to be meditating, but I somehow suspected that he was thinking perverted. Sango was quiet like she had been for awhile now. I didn't want to think about it. She knew. I knew it in my heart that she did. Sango didn't want to know, but she did. I wondered if she would say anything when I was gone. I hoped that she didn't because I was going to work damn hard to make this believable. I was going to go through a lot of pain to do it too.

I turned off like I learning to do so well. I turned my cold eyes to the one person who had hurt me most, "I love you all but I can't do this any longer. I can't take the fighting. I can't take the two lives that I live. I can't handle feeling like this."

I blinked so no one would know that I was about to cry. I looked away from Inuyasha, whose eyes were on me now, "I can't take no knowing what my life is about any longer. I hate it here. You can't give me what I want. I never wanted this life. I've done all I can do. I've given you everything I have and now I'm done."

Miroku looked baffled and hurt. "Lady Kagome, I don't understand."

I choked back a sob, "I'm in love with someone and he can't love him because I'm never honest with him," I was telling the complete truth and yet I knew I was misleading them.

"I want my old life back. Sometimes, I wish I had never fallen into the well. My life is falling apart. I have nothing for me at home and everything here, but everything here is just a fantasy because I can't make my life here. I want to go home! I want to be around people who don't just want me to be there jewel detector."

Shippo let out a cry, "We never thought of you as a jewel detector Kagome! We love you! Don't leave!" Shippo tried to grab on to my leg and it killed me to move away but Shippo was stronger then he knew and it would hurt me.

Of course Shippo didn't know why I had rejected him and he looked devastated at my rejection. I felt like I was going to be sick. This was so unfair! I didn't want any of this. Why did I have to be dying? I couldn't fight something like this but at this moment I would have given everything in me to get better.

I looked around the room and everyone was in different forms of shock or outrage. Keade looked like she might know what was going on which worried me. Sango was just acting like nothing was happening which told me a lot. Miroku looked hurt and betrayed. Inuyasha looked struck speechless, which would have been amusing if I wasn't hurting so much. Shippo was crying in a corner. I had to get out of here before I fell apart. Or just fell from exhaustion. I was so tired today, I couldn't stand up straight.

"Why the fuck did you even come back to tell us that you were leaving if you didn't give a damn," Inuyasha said coldly.

I wanted to shrink at his words but I welcomed them, "Why do you care? Why do you even care?! You love Kikyo and we all know it. You don't care about me! You never did."

"You know that's bullshit!"

"I know you lie. I know you love her. I know you lie when you see her. I know you want her! I know everything. I mean nothing to you. Stay out of this!"

Inuyasha laughed coldly, "We can't do this without you and you know it. You're killing us all by leaving. We can't do it without you."

I was shocked that he would admit that but I ignored it all, because although I know he believed that it wasn't true, "You can do anything you set your mind to Inuyasha. You just have to stop letting yourself get in the way."

"What the hell are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you have to stop looking at what you don't have, and start looking at what you do have. You're one of the strongest people I know. You can do anything."

I was getting in deep trouble here and I knew it. I was so tired. I was letting emotions show that shouldn't. Spots were forming on my vision and I had to blink a couple of times to get them to go away.

"I think that you need to follow your own advice Kagome," Sango advised me cryptically.

That was all it took for me to take off. If I didn't leave now than Sango was going to tell someone what she knew and that was the last thing I wanted. They couldn't save me. No one could save me. Before I ran I stared at Sango and pleaded with her not to say anything. She looked down and I rushed out of the hut before I did any more damage or worse, fell over. It was hard to convince someone you were fine when you were passed out.

I finally came up to the well and used my last burst of energy to jump in. It was a good thing to because as soon as I reached home I passed out in the bottom of the well. It was a good thing that Souta was there waiting for me. He helped me out and it was then that I realized that this was the beginning of the end.


	3. To Break and Unspoken Confidence

Inuyasha's POV

I sat with my back to the wall and tried to block out everyone around me. I couldn't believe that had just happened, and that surprised me because I had been waiting for it to happen for a long time now. I wanted to get up and break something or a lot of something's, and I would, just as soon as I got over the shock of what had just happened. What was up with Sango anyway? Throughout the whole damn thing she hadn't said one damn word. I would have thought that she would have at least tried to stop Kagome since they were so close.

There was something going on I just didn't care to find out what. If Kagome wanted to leave us all then she could. Of course Shippo didn't seem to think like what and he was blaming everything on me. I hadn't done anything to piss anyone off in awhile, but no one cares about that. Someone's leaving so let's blame Inuyasha! Shippo came up to me and started on me,

"I can't believe you made Kagome leave for good Inuyasha! How could you? What did you do?! It's not fair! I miss Kagome," Shippo wailed at me on and on until I couldn't take it anymore.

I knew that Shippo was hurting so I didn't do anything to him, but it took a lot of work not to do anything about it. I wanted to pound the stupid kit right about now.

"Shippo stop blaming Inuyasha and go calm down," Keade told him sternly.

"But it's his entire fault!" The kit whined.

I glared and got ready to get up. "I think that it would be best if you calm down a little Shippo. Why don't you help one of the villagers," the old woman suggested. I was shocked to see that he actually did as he was told. He sulked off somewhere.

I watched as the annoyed kit walked out of the hut in annoyance. Sure, Keade tells him to shut up and complain to someone who wants to hear it, and the kit listens and goes to rant somewhere else. I toss him as far away from me as he'll fly, and he comes right back. What does everyone else do that I don't?

"I wonder what's wrong with Kagome." Miroku said after it had been silent for awhile

Sango, I noticed, who hadn't said one word once throughout the whole thing, just kept doing what she had been doing since Kagome had come and told everyone that she was leaving. It was annoying the hell out of me because she was acting as if she didn't care. I was so pissed off right now that I wanted to rip Keade's hut to shreds. She wasn't even acting like anything had happened. She was just sitting there. I wondered if I had missed something. Then I shocked myself when I realized that I thought such a thing. What did it matter if I did miss something? It didn't matter.

The monk seemed to be dense. What was wrong Kagome? He asked. What was wrong?! I knew what was wrong.

"She doesn't want to be here anymore monk! What don't you get about that? She said she was never coming back. She said she had had it. What don't you get about that? She's sick of us," I shouted as an answer for his stupid question.

I didn't want to be around anyone at the moment so left the hut. I leapt up into the trees and went off on my own, so I could calm down. I needed the wind blowing in my face, and I needed the silence. It didn't matter why Kagome had left us all. She didn't want to be here any longer and no one could change that. It didn't matter. I didn't care about her anyway.

Miroku's POV

"Inuyasha doesn't seem to be taking this information well," I said as if that was not obvious.

I looked down at Sango who was sitting there working with herbs as she had before, and sighed. Either, Lady Sango was taking this news harder than any of us or she knew something we didn't. There was always a good chance that it was both. I put my staff down and I sat down across from her, away from temptation, and waited to see if she would say anything.

After moments of silence, I realized that she wasn't going to say anything. I reluctantly left and went to go meditate. Maybe the Gods could help me. Inuyasha was wrong one way or the other. Even I could see that Lady Kagome was holding back tears and she had made her announcement that she was no longer happy here. I sat down on the damp grass and just looked out at the sky for awhile and thought about things and when the answer didn't come to me right away I laid down to rest.

Sango's POV

I knew that Kagome had been planning to leave for awhile, but it still shocked me. I still didn't know what was wrong with her, but I did know that something was killing her. It wasn't anything we could see and I couldn't entirely understand it, but I knew that she was very sick. I couldn't understand why Kagome wouldn't say anything and decide to go home and that hurt, but I was sure she had her reasons. I didn't know what to do though. I could tell the others, but I what would Kagome do if she knew that I had told. If she wanted to be on her own and dye this way then telling anyone seemed to be the biggest breach of friendship that I could think of, but what if we could help her? I had already lost so much in my life. Even if I didn't have Kagome around, I still wanted her well.

I knew that if there was one person I could trust it would be Miroku. I may not be able to trust him when we were alone not to grope me, but I could trust that he was someone I could confide in. Miroku wouldn't tell a secret. I finally looked up from the herbs I was working with and put them down. I wasn't sure where Miroku had gone but I knew that it wouldn't take all that long to find him. He was the only one I could talk to about this and I really needed to talk.

I hadn't realized that I had been so tense until it had come time to move. I know that no one understood my reaction to Kagome's news, but I honestly hadn't known what to do. I couldn't be upset because I could understand what she was going through a little, and at the same time I wanted to be mad that she would try and keep something so serious from us. Then again I could tell at the end that she knew that I knew. I could tell from the look in her eyes that the last thing she had wanted me to do was to say anything. It felt wrong to go to Miroku, but if I was saving Kagome's life then it was worth it.

"Miroku," I shouted hoping to find him faster that way.

"Miroku!"

"Miroku!" I repeated a third time, annoyed.

I continued to look for him, but I wasn't getting a response and I wasn't seeing him so I was about to give up the search when I found him lying on a hill by Keade's hut looking innocent and peaceful. It was one of the only times I had seen him look like that and I wanted to watch him sleep, but I knew that there wasn't time to waste so I tried waking Miroku up by poking him with my foot. It wasn't a nice way to get woken up, but at least he couldn't grope me. I wasn't in the mood and I needed to be cool headed if I was going to talk to the monk about this.


	4. Honesty

Kagome's POV

I hadn't felt up to doing much the last couple of days. I was running a fever, I was seeing double, and I was constantly tired, and I didn't have the energy to read much less get out of bed. My family was there for me though. Mom made sure I was fed and comfortable, grandpa prayed for me, and Souta kept me entertained by playing board games with me. Right now we were playing scrabble and my little brother was winning. That's when you know things are really bad, when your little brother beats you at Scrabble.

I was having a hard time concentrating because I was so tired. I hurt everywhere. When I wasn't thinking about the pain then I was thinking about the past. I was constantly unhappy and uncomfortable, but here I would be safe, and I wouldn't be putting anyone in danger. It had seemed like such a good idea awhile ago, but now I just wanted to die so I could get it over with. I missed my friends and being away from Inuyasha was killing me. I missed the pain in the ass more than anyone.

Souta was in the middle of putting away the board game when I saw Inuyasha through the window. I was too do anything about it and for awhile I thought I was just seeing things, but when he didn't go away I asked Souta if he was really there. When he said yes I started to cry because I had missed Inuyasha so badly. I had thought that I would never see him again. Right now I didn't care if he was mad at me and wanted to yell at me. I didn't care if he knew that I was dying. I just wanted him to be with me. I didn't want to dye away from the people who understood me best.

I had locked the window the first night to keep Inuyasha out. He couldn't get in and he was surprising me by not breaking the window down. I told Souta to unlock the window on his way out and he did it for me. Inuyasha jumped in and for once I didn't feel like I was going to fall over and fall asleep. Inuyasha jumped into my room and sat on the floor by my bed and just looked at me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. He just continued to look.

"Why wouldn't you tell anyone? No one had any idea what you were doing. Everyone was mad at you," Inuyasha said with a surprising amount of emotion in his voice.

I used a little energy to laugh, "I wanted to save everyone. I didn't want you to lose your focus. I didn't want anyone to worry. I just didn't want things to be put on hold because of me."

"You should have told us. Sango shouldn't have had to figure it out from her cat."

I knew that she would say something. "I didn't want to hurt anyone."

Inuyasha snorted at that and I saw his point, "It's not something that's easily understood Inuyasha. I'm really sick. There are some days that I feel really bad and some days that I'm okay. I don't know what to tell you. I can't explain it. I'm dying."

"Nobody can do anything in your time?"

"No," I lied.

Inuyasha got up and climbed on my bed and then he cuddled me to him. I was shocked as much as I was relieved that I cried. It felt so good to be in his arms. I had missed him so much. I had missed the smell of him, his attitude, his anger, I missed his face. I had missed everything about him and I never wanted to let go. Inuyasha sat on my bed and I cuddled his waste. When he stroked my hair I only cried harder.

"We all are worried about you. Shippo still doesn't know what's going on but we figured that he shouldn't know what was going on unless you wanted him to know. He's busy blaming me. I figured it was better than him crying."

I nodded, "I missed you all so much. I missed _you _so much. I didn't know what to do. It was so hard to lie to you all. I thought that this would be better but now it's like I'm sitting here waiting to die."

Inuyasha tensed in my arms, "If I weren't so worried about you, I would yell at you for the stunt you pulled. You should have never lied to us like that. You had us all thinking that you didn't care about us. We would have listened to you and maybe we can't understand why you're so sick, but we would have accepted it and worked with you. We would have been there for you. We're going to be there for you."

I was shocked speechless, "You've never been so open with me before."

"I don't have the time to act like I don't care. I know that I was so mad at you that I couldn't see straight. I would have never known if the monk didn't have such a big mouth. Sango isn't talking to him by the way. She's REALLY pissed that he said something to me."

I laughed, "I'm sorry I lied."

"Sorry doesn't even to begin to cover it. If any of us were sick you would want to know. We're your family and we'll do what we need to do to keep you safe. If you want us to leave you and go hunt Naraku… well figure something out."

I lifted my head and looked into Inuyasha's gold eyes, "I want to go home," I admitted and had never meant anything more.

"Well then I guess we take you back, and figure something out. You're going to cause me a lot of trouble you know. You can't defend yourself. Someone is always going to have to be with you."

I wanted to protest, but I wasn't stupid. I was too weak to stand much less lift my head. I didn't know what I would do if a demon attacked us.

"I'm going to slow us down."

I knew that had to drive Inuyasha nuts but he didn't say anything, "We'll figure it out. We always do. I can protect you better than anyone else."


	5. To hell and back

Sango's POV

It was days later and I still couldn't believe that Miroku had went behind my back and told Inuyasha everything. If I wanted to do that then I would have done it myself. I was hurt that he would do such and thing and it made me think that I might not know him as well as I thought I did. I had needed a friend to talk to and at the time he had sat there and listened and said all the right things and told me that I was right in telling him, because he suspected something was wrong anyway. Miroku had told me that it would be a good idea if I told Inuyasha, but I had shied away from that and Miroku had let it go.

It hadn't even crossed my mind that Miroku would do the job of telling Inuyasha everything. I could still remember the moment clearly. Shippo had went off to sulk in the trees after he had yelled at Inuyasha some more. I had been in the middle of making us all dinner when Miroku told Inuyasha straight out that Kagome was really sick. That's all he had said. He just told him that he was sick and then he looked at me with an expression that I couldn't interpret and he left the hut. I had been shocked and I hadn't known what to say. Inuyasha seemed to be taking it all in. Before he could ask me anything I had run away.

I hated running, but I had been doing it ever since Miroku had spilled the beans. I still didn't know what to say to any of them. I hated that I was running because that wasn't like me. I was thankful that Inuyasha had gone after Kagome, but what would I end up losing in the end? I was sitting outside the hut fixing holes in my clothing when Miroku came out of the hut and say next to me.

I ignored him and went back to what I was doing. "You know you should have told Inuyasha don't you."

He had some nerve. He wasn't even going to apologize, "How dare you!"

Miroku raised an eyebrow and looked strangely disappointed when I looked at him, "How dare I? I do not think so. I waited for you to say something to Inuyasha and when you didn't, I did. He deserved to know."

"Kagome didn't want him to know," I stated strongly.

Miroku made sure that I was looking at him, "I think that you misunderstand. If you had kept this to yourself because you were worried about keeping someone's confidence then I would understand, but you told me. You did this because you knew I could do nothing about it. You thought I would never say anything, and I wasn't going to until I realized that you weren't saying anything because you were worried for yourself, not your friend."

I was so hurt that I couldn't breathe a second. "You were worried that Kagome would get mad at you. You didn't want her to be upset with you and so you didn't tell the one person who deserved to know most. Whether Inuyasha knows it or not, he loves Kagome. The two of them were meant to be together and so he deserved to know."

"I thought about it, and I realized that if anything were wrong with you then I would want to know. If Inuyasha or Kagome knew that you were dying and that you were keeping it from me then both of them would tell me. I care about you, and they know that and respect that. We both know that Kagome's feelings were misplaced. You were just worried about what she would think of you and you didn't think of what this was doing to Inuyasha. If she dies than he deserves to be the one by her side."

When he said it all like that I could understand more clearly where he was coming from. I was still upset with him, but if there was something wrong with Miroku and no one told me, I would be hurt that no one told me about it. It was screwed up, but it was true.

"Kagome didn't want anyone to know. The last thing I wanted was for her to be unhappy," I said honestly.

"Do you honestly think that's she's happy without Inuyasha at her side?"

Inuyasha's POV

Kagome was burning up, but when I asked her if there was anything she could take she just shrugged and said that she already took something. I couldn't believe that she had been this sick and I hadn't been able to tell. I had a better sense of smell than that. When I asked her about it and she told me that she had been shielding herself from me I didn't know what to think.

"Where did you learn to do something like that?"

She gave me a look for the dimwitted, "I learned how to do it for battle, because I didn't want the enemy to know our weaknesses."

"Who said you could use it on me. I feel like you took advantage," I acted hurt.

It really didn't take all that much acting either. I didn't want Kagome hiding anything from me. I wanted to know everything. I wished that I had been able to tell that Kagome had been sick.

"You could tell when I was bleeding."

She didn't have to tell me that, "I could _see_ when you were bleeding."

"I wasn't talking about that kind of bleeding," Kagome said flatly.

It took me a second but I finally got it and then I blushed, "Oh."

When I really thought about it I was thankful she started doing that. It hadn't really bothered me in the beginning when she had been in heat, but the more my emotions started getting involved the more it had bothered me. Demons were programmed to react to that type of thing. I was surprised that I hadn't noticed earlier what she had been doing.

"You're going to have to stop doing stuff like that. It uses up energy that you need."

"You're telling me," she said dryly.

We sat on her bed in silence for awhile, "You know I care about you right?" I said this to make sure, because after all of this had happened I wasn't really sure.

She paused, "I know you care Inuyasha, but it's easy to forget how much with you yelling all the time."

I guess I did yell too much, "I'll try and be a little calmer from now on," I promised.

Kagome sounded choked up and I got worried. She looking up at me and touched my face with her surprisingly cold hands, "I never want you to change Inuyasha. If you tried to be anyone else then you wouldn't be the same. Just remind me once in awhile that your there okay?"

I nodded and we both lay down on her bed so she could get some sleep. I tried to act like I didn't care, but with all of this happening now I just never wanted to let go.


End file.
